Guys, guys, guys. I’m not really thinking straight because I’m sick, and exhausted, and angry, and confused, but I’m going to type away anyway and hope I don’t sound like a raging lunatic (even more than I usually do). But I just finished The Heir, and I um, er, have a lot of emotions right now. Hmm, could should I explain this?
Ok, I’m an artist
so I’m going to paint you a picture: Imagine, young, innocent, naive, little Nikki casually texting Amy like any ordinary day. Imagine Amy recommending The Selection series, and since Amy has never steered her wrong before, she decides to that she’ll give it a try. Imagine her tearing through the first one, then the second, and then the third, rapidly devouring the amazing plot and the beautifully written characters. Imagine her disappoint when she discovers that the fourth book won’t be released until May 5th, 2015. Imagine her delight when that day finally comes and she asks her dad if she can buy it. Imagine her desolation and agony when he says no, thus forcing her to order it from the library. And wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. Imagine her sheer joy when it she goes to the library to pick up her holds and there it is. The book she has been waiting for for three months. THREE MONTHS. She runs her hands over the beautiful, beautiful cover, and opens it as soon as she gets home.
And look at her now! LOOK AT ME, NIKKI, NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! Writing a hateful review for the book she thought she would cherish forever. Let’s continue our story.
Imagine her utter confusion when her delicately opens the book and turns to the first page, a crease forming in between her eyebrows. “What’s going on?”, she thinks as she keeps reading, “Why did they turn my favorite series into rubbish? I thought I had visited the library, not the garbage plant!” But because she knew Kiera Cass would never do this to her, she kept reading, trying desperately to find a silver lining. But guess what? She couldn’t find one.
Now imagine poor, little Nikki’s reaction:
“Please no,” she thought as she kept forcing herself to read, “This can’t be happening.” It suddenly dawned on her that this was real. Kids, never grow up because the world is so, so scary.
After finishing the “book,” Nikki decided to blog about her feelings in hopes that maybe, just maybe, there’s somebody out there who could help her through this rough, rough time. This what she came up with:
I know they say if you don’t have anything nice to say you shouldn’t say anything at all, technically I’m not SAYING anything. I’m simply typing, so ha! In order to not forget anything… (Which Kiera Cass totally did. For example, a plot, good characters, and… *a dainty, delicate hand covers my mouth and Amy’s voice floats down upon me and says: Control yourself, Nikki. Save it, Nikki. Remember what happened the last time you lost it?) Yes, Amy. I’m not going to blow anything up with time with my laser-shooting Unikitty. Relax, I gots this. Fo shizzle. I’m going to go about this in an orderly fashion and make a nice, neat bulleted list.
- First of all, was this book even written by the same person?!?! The Selection is one of my all-time favorite series (Well, until this installment it was.) and this book is completely different. Everything about it was different. The characters have no personality (What have you done to my America?!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!! Who is quiet, little, dumb zombie you’ve left in her place?!), the plot is going nowhere, and my mind is turning so fast I’m literally dizzy. Seriously. Eadlyn is spoiled, little brat. Honestly, that bland little description is exactly how I’d describe her. I mean, I didn’t expect her to be exactly like America, but I didn’t exactly expect them to be polar opposites! Honestly, Eadlyn’s all like, “I’m so strong! I’m so strong!” But Baden says one mean thing to her, and she falls apart. I’m not saying that being mean is all right, but I wouldn’t want my future leader falling apart at the drop of a hat! Since I can’t kick Eadlyn off the throne, I’m going to have to settle for kicking Kiera Cass out of the special place in my mind reserved for great authors! This book didn’t even stat to pick up until about half-way. Half-way! The prior books in this series had me riveted from page one! Whereas this book was mind-numbingly boring! MIND-NUMBINGLY! Honestly, I never thought I would say something like this about a Kiera Cass book. WHAT WAS THE WORLD COME TO!?!?!?! And honestly! HONESTLY! That ending! Who ends a book when someone has a heart attack??!?! Cruelty! C-R-U-E-L-T-Y!!!! Wait, I’ve solved the problem! There really is a zombie apocalypse, and they took Kiera Cass first!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, so much for my bulleted list. I meam, that pretty much covers it. I know what you’re thinking… “All that build-up… for this??!??!?” Well, I guess that makes me like Kiera Cass! (I hope that irony wasn’t lost on you guys. 😉
Don’t hate me (because I love you guys), but I’m entitled to my own opinion. If you love the book, I am willing to admit that it did have some (a couple) good merits, and would be perfectly happy to discuss them with you. I.E. Henri, Henri, Henri. He is so adorable, and the only reason I didn’t tear my hair out from lack of anything good or fun. Seriously, this book has put me in a serious funk. And I honestly think Erik should have been in the Selection! I liked him much more than the other boys!
To end this post, I’m going to take you back to the story of Nikki: Imagine her finishing the book, not feeling the least bit satisfied, turning the page to see if there’s some type of clue buried in the back, some type of explanation. Imagine her horror, so intense it feels like a punch in the gut, when finds out that’s there’s going to be another one!